i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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