you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
