he puts the penis in happiness.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
