I will probably be peed on at some point today.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
