I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
