Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
