I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize