He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
