so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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