ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
