we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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