Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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