im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
