what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
