a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
