Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think your dad took our porno
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
