As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
