She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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