I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
