I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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