xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
