dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
