i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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