he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
