OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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