i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
whose parrot is this?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
