I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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