Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
