the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
