This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
