Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
