just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
