Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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