Soap is not a condiment
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
