Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
