Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
