they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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