Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
