I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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