i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
