I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
