Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
