Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
