dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
