you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
