Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
