Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
