yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
