why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
