In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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