Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
