Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
