I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
