repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's rum buckets o'clock
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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