The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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