Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
