You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
