your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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