guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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