in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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