Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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