I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize