I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A+ Viking dick
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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