I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
