at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
