so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
