I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
