i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize