ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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