Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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