We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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