dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
