Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
