Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
