I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
