Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
