Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im part way to drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
