Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i came on her dog
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
