Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
