By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize