evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
