when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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