Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
did you just send me my own nude
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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