So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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