I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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